It's been forever

I need to vent. I can't believe anyone even posts on here anymore. But I see a few of you still do. That makes me smile. I want to say things are rough, but knowing how rough everyone else always seems to have it I feel like I shouldn't say that.
I need a new job. I can't focus to sit down and apply. Applying for jobs is soo hard! I am to ADD after work to do it, and it sucks and I suck at it.
My best friend is moving back to milwaukee to be with her boyfriend. My heart is in pieces. I can't tell her. I don't want to seem needy. I feel empty when she's gone. I know she won't actually come back often. I"m not good enough. She never visited me when I was in madison, only as a bathroom break before finishing the drive.
It hurts.
Parents and sister want me to look for a job closer to them. I think if I leave i'll be even more unhappy. I want HIM to commit to me again, I want to words, I want to ring, I want the dog and his house to be OURS even though I'm there enough for it to be ours, but he won't do it. I can't get my people to be happy with me and him anyway. He's the only place I feel at ease, not anxious, not scared, just comfy.